What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
