cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
