Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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