my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
