I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
