Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
