Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
