I should be sponsored by Trojan
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
