I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize