haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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