Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
His hands were made for my vagina.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
