your parents love me but you hate me
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
