I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
