why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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