you guys were way drunker than both of me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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