You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
