You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
