swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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