I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
