You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
