I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
