90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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