I'm passing your future prison.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
