JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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