somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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