Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
