I puked a lego.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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