respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
