He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
