his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
