No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
