me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Found the puke drawer
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
