Are we in a gay sports bar?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize