so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
