So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
NoShamevember. You game?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
This is classic penis vs brain.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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