Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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