i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
