From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize