WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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