I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
