think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
