I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
