We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
