I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
