Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
