11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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