just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Randomize
