So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
