My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
