hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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