Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize