are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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