maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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