i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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