you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
