My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
