My nipple is on Facebook.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
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