the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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