Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize