Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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