Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
