I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
