I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
