lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
