dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
