my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
