There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
